Is it real?

Nowadays we live in a society where reality is not available to everyone, and has consequences. "Go big or go home", "when you stop dreaming, you stop living", "having high expectations is the key to everything". These are the first quotes that appear on Google if you search for motivational quotes. The ones you usually find on social media. But, are they true?

Right now, it seems that doing the right thing bettering oneself. And we all want to improve ourselves day by day, of course. But, to what extent? We must bear in mind our limits, because we don’t usually take them into account in order to achieve certain objectives. Being cool is synonymous with doing extraordinary things, to the point that life seems like a competition: who is capable of more? Thus, the key is to focus on achieving what you’re aiming for, regardless of anything else. Now, you might get it, but probably you won’t. So, if you don't, are you a failure?

Maybe your first thought is "no, it’s not." But this is not the reality. Teenagers live within this reality, within this competition. You just have to take a look at the social media in which they are immersed. Posts are usually achievements, happiness or perfect bodies. It’s an unstoppable vicious cycle, a contest, where the prize goes to those who have a higher audience (followers) and the final goal is to be perfect. And the best of all: traps are allowed and we’re all aware of this. 

So, this contest is divided into several leagues. When you have more public, you are cooler and therefore you participate at a higher level. These participants are usually the most veteran, they know how to make better use of traps (photoshop, manipulation). The problem lies in the lower levels, as they tend to try to get the "reality" of veterans. An existence that is far from being factual.

The new goal is to seek perfection without any regard to personal consequences. But in this lower level, it’s very difficult to achieve this goal. This ‘failure’ gives rise to many important problems, such as anxiety or depression, that are rarely regarded. These young people often feel marginalized, "not as cool", failed. Truthfully, nothing is real.

The same happens outside social media. Many of us idolise some famous person, and we have it as a perfect person: rich, good work, nice, happy, optimistic. But, is it real?

Well, here comes the answer: yes and no. More no, than yes. It’s probably everything you think he is, but apart from this reality, there are other negative* facets that are not shown publicly. Nobody is perfect. We all have problems, whoever and participate in the league that participates. The rich for being rich, the poor for being poor.

You might have as a role model an athlete who wins almost all competitions and you’d like to be like him. But what you don't know: how is that person really? At the end of the day, he’s a person, just like someone else. He may not like the sport he’s competes in; he may have mental health problems; he may have family problems or difficulties in any other area. And with all this, it turns out that he’s not happy, his current lifestyle is a pure and hard suffering, a hell ruled against his own will. Would you be willing to aspire to be someone like him?

Unfortunately, this is usually our day-to-day: "Go big or go home", "when you stop dreaming you stop living", "having high expectations is the key to everything". Everything is in words such as comparison, competition, impossible goals, great expectations appearance. And what is the result? Lies, failure, anxiety, depression. Nothing healthy, low self-esteem. As Mark Manson says, "If you're dreaming something all the time, you reinforce the same unconscious reality over and over again: that you’re not that". So, should this be our motivation?

Over the years we’ve learned to have good behavior, be kind and polite. At school and at high school they’ve taught us mathematics, biology or languages. So many years of education but rarely we’ve been taught to love ourselves. We’re very aware of what they’re going to say about us, if we do it well, if we’re good or bad in our activities or if we get what is stated or not. The motivation must be intrinsic and procedural, not extrinsic and purposeful. We must know how to appreciate what we do and how we do it, regardless of the outcome or others. But above all, we have to enjoy the procedure, and do it because we like it, not because someone else does it - or seems to do it - or the system approves that it’s "the right thing to do".

We must set aside the goals that are impossible to achieve in order to have a great status, and start working on what really matters to us and we like.

We should know how to set our limits and know how to say "NO" before we surpass them. Start to put into use the mythical quote "health goes ahead", because it’s an often-heard phrase we rarely put into practice. Exceeding personal limits is putting health in the last place. We should work to make our borders strong, have personality and make us a better society, where lies, manipulation and fear of failure remain in the background and not on the first line.